Days of Eni's life

It was a cold morning. The night went by fast. I decided to linger in bed for a few more minutes. In no time, I was asleep again. I had a dream, it was a mix between beautiful and  nightmare. If felt good for a while until I realized in my dream that it was just a dream. Do you know that feeling? In my dream, I was spending time with a guy that I was madly in love a while back. We were just friends in my dream, and I knew that now, in real life, he didn't feel anything for me but friendship. We were having a great time in my dream, then it all turned into nightmare: he started flirting with me, and told me it had been a mistake to let me go. I woke up angry, angry at myself for dreaming that! I feel like I am perfectly fine with the way things are, and it makes me angry when my subconscious plays tricks on me like that! To make up for my nightmare, I had the chance to meet with my very best friend from junior high. We talked for hours, and I felt like time hadn't pass at all

I felt butterflies again, a feeling I haven't felt in such a long time :)  They were sweet ones, but at the worst timing and the worst place :( Worst timing: I am leaving in two weeks for a long time.  Worst place: in Stei, the city I will never live for more than a total of a couple of months a year. The feeling was so sweet because it was for my best Best BEST friend that I grew up with. We had the same classes from 1st to 8th grade. We lived in the same neighborhood. We used to do everything together, and my fondest memories are those of him, of us. I even broke my arm while running with him.  Life plays many tricks on me, on every one. I moved to Oradea, and after that to Arad. We didn't keep in touch at all. I saw him once for a minute in 10th grade when I came to visit, and we were still best friends. After that, nothing. Until today. My mom and I were out with our bikes, doing the shopping. We were ready to return home, when she saw Sorin (that's his name). I d

Part of my yesterday's "trip" was a stop at the stadium. I hadn't been there in years! Right next to the soccer field, there used to be a big building. That is where they used to have the volleyball court, and gymnastics, and all that cool stuff. It got closed soon after the revolution, but I was curious yesterday to see what has become of it. Here are some pictures to describe what I saw. First, the stands next to the stadium: and here is the amazing building:  The broken windows, and the shattered glass-covered sidewalk are so welcoming! Please take a seat. The game will begin...never!  Peek-a-boo, I see you!!!  Who threw that??? It is so sad! why do people destroy things? What about future generations? what about us, today? what about me? There is nothing left to do in this town - no place to play sports, no movie theater, no dance club. Just pubs at every corner. Why am I then surprised that people today  drink their minds away? Why am I surprised that all t

I went for a walk today. Actually, I rode my bicycle. I didn't know where to go, the city is small, and I didn't  feel like joining big crowds. I quickly decided to go to the cemetery. I heard they made some changes, and I wanted to see my grandparents' graves. I haven' been there in over 5 years. It took me a while to find them with all the changes, but I finally got there. I didn't know what to expect or what I would feel. It was weird! All I felt was gratitude! I looked at my grandparents' and great grandparents' plaques , and I could think of was "Thank you". I felt that because of them I am where I am today, and I can have all these earthly experiences. If only one of them was missing, I wouldn't exist! I do not feel sorrow, or longing, or pain. All I feel is gratitude and joy - gratitude for their choices, for being who they were, and joy because one day I will be able to see them, and get to know them. I know that families can be forev

One of the things I miss from my mission is doing companionship study. I learned a lot on my own, but the best part was discussing with my companion what we both had studied. That was when I learned the most, and grew the most in my faith and gospel understanding. This morning, I opened the Book of Mormon randomly, and started reading. I started comparing the things that happened almost two thousand years ago to my life, and I came up with a cool object lesson. I miss having a companion to share this with! Being a Seminary or Sunday School teacher would help, but I can't even go to church! Here comes my idea: I will share it with you. I hope you will like it. If you do, maybe you can use it too :D Object lesson It is in  Mormon, chapter 4 . Here, Mormon witnesses the wars between the Nephites and the Lamanites. The Nephites, who were once the chosen people of God, now are become wicked and power-thirsty. They are being defeated again and again. How did they get to this point? Ho

Playing by the Rules: break the cycle! : " Wanna know something tragic? Boys aren’t asking girls on dates anymore! Why is this? I ha..."

I am a perfectionist when it comes to me, and often I put myself down for things I cannot do, for mistakes, and for my flaws. It is a pretty heavy burden.   I have been trying to fight this urge to kick myself like that. A quote that has helped is “do the best you can”. It helps sometimes, but sometimes I use it as an excuse “I cannot do this, I know my limits, this is the best I can, and it’s enough”. I started reading quotes from Presidents of the Church, our days’ prophets. I came across this quote from Gordon B. Hinckley: “Do the best you can. But I want to emphasize that it be the very best. We are too prone to be satisfied with mediocre performance. We are capable of doing so much better.” This does not help my perfection problem, but I came to the conclusion that it is alright to be perfectionist, to be hard on myself. How else am I going to progress? How else can I be better today than yesterday? I know I am not perfect, even though I tend to become so. And I know I cannot chan

It's Sunday, only 12 pm. I feel a little uneasy, because usually, at this time, I would be at church. here is the fourth Sunday in a row when I am at home. It makes me feel empty, I feel like I am going numb. I try hard to focus on spiritual things, but I have to admit that it is hard. Do you know what I am listening to right now? EFY (Espeically For Youth). It feels good. I just finished reading the First Presidency message about the Book of Mormon, but I don't have anyone to talk to about it. Can I share it with you? The Book Of Mormon - A Personal Guide I just want to add that what he says in there is so true! There are many commandments in this book, and they are not to make our life hard and keep us from doing the things of the world. These commandments are here to guide us on our path, to keep us pure. Why are purity and virtue so important? I see many people making fun of them, or ignoring them. I gave it a lot of thought, and they do not act that way because they are

What day is it, and in what month, this clock never seemed so alive! - I love Lifehouse, and their music makes me feel better... I think... especially after having a bad day! I need to vent, but there is no one to talk to! And that hurts, you know! Today is Sunday, and I am in Stei. A little bit of history here: Stei is a small town 80 km away from Oradea, the town that I left behind me 11 years ago. I cut the cord! And now I am back - no friends, no place to hang out, just me and my family. I love my family, and this is the longest time we have spent together in over a year. It does help our relationship! I swear it's better this way than talking on the phone, or using skype. I'm happy to be home, but... I am suffocating! I feel like my lungs won't take in the air I need to be the happy girl that I usually am. Life has been hitting me lately, and I am not prepared for its blows! I feel like everything I have been trying to accomplish has been failure after failure. I am ou

I found myself staying at home with no job, running out of money FAST! Nothing new, right? Even with a job, I still felt so... forced to fight for survival. I tried everything to manage to save some money, but it always slipped away. This past year I found myself often wondering "What am I going to do now?" In all this craziness called LIFE, I tried to think of ways to get my thoughts off of me, and try to help somebody else. It is pretty hard to do that when you barely have time for yourself. I have been focusing on myself, on my problems, trying to find my way out. Then a thought came to my mind, an idea that would help me a bit to fill up a corner in the fridge. Go and give blood! I thought to myself: "Free thorough blood test, and 60 Lei (10% of my salary) in food tickets. How smart I am!" I went there in June, and gave half a liter of blood, and went home on cloud no.9. They told me I could go again only after three months. I was so disappointed, but still hap

I had the chance to go to Arad last weekend, which happened to be the weekend of the Ukraine Temple dedication. The branch rented a minibus, and a lot of the members got their temple recommends, woke up early in the morning, and at 5 a.m. we were on the way to the Brasov chapel. The trip was long, but it was all worth it. I don't remember a lot of the  words that were said in the ceremony, but I remember the way I felt. I felt like I was in a temple, and it was so peaceful. There wa one thing that was said that has stuck with me since: "With the occasion of this temple dedication, each and every one of us should rededicate our lives to God." I have been thinking about that a lot, especially because lately I have been feeling like I wasn't doing my best. With this invitation, I started thinking about what I could do to redeticate myself. I couldn't think of anything, so I started changing that phrase: "rededicate my life to virtue"(be more careful with