Chasing dreams

My mom told me that when I was little (3rd grade or something like that) I told her I would go to the United States, and not only go, but do something with my life there. Then, as I got to junior high, then high school, my dream faded, and I forgot all about it. All until I went there for the first time back in 2006, when my parents urged me to take the chance, and try it. I loved it there, I felt like I belonged there. I felt like I could be 100% myself, and nobody would try to change me. Then i came back, and I felt out of place again. In February 2010 I went there again for a short vacation. I think it was the best time for me to rediscover who I was. I had the same feeling of belonging again, and I was so sad to leave, and let go. I think that some people understand what I mean, but many think that I am crazy, that I should just accept the fact that I am in Romania, that I should just shut up, and let people label me, use me, just because "that is ho things work here". But why should I accept all that? My choice of accepting to go as a nanny in Miami is just another "dream chase" - my dream of going to the country where I feel that I fit in, that I belong, where I can actually do something with my life without having everyone point out how weird and crazy I am. There, this weirdness of me, my craziness, sets me apart, it is a quality and not a flaw.
After me rambling about my dream, how I  feel about a foreign country - it is foreign after all - you might understand why when I was told I could work as a nanny in Miami I said yes. The terms were these: take care of one kid (1 year and 8 months old) from 8 am to 8 pm, 6 days a week, for 1000$ a month, food and housing included. I was asked to come to Bucuresti for two weeks so the family can get to know me, and get used to me. I came here, with great excitement, and ready to help that kid discover the world I have to admit, I didn't know, and still don't, a lot about taking care about little kids. But I studied for a week all I could about it. I thought I was ready. The I got to their house. To my surprise, the terms changed. I was told I would have to work 24/7, from 8 am to 10 pm, that I would have to do all the ironing, cleaning, shopping, help with the cooking, do whatever I am told. I said, ok, I can do this. There will be other two women there, one of them being my friend. I worked my butt off! I was ready to work at 8 am, ironing and cleaning. The kids would get up and 9, we would feed them, and at 10 be in the park for two hours. Go home, wash them, feed them , get them ready for bed.(they are twins)while they slept for two hours, we would cook, clean, eat, and clean some more. The kids would get up - change them, play a bit with them, feed them, and go play with them in the park till 9 pm, take them home, bathe them, get them asleep, then we would get to bed around 11 pm - wake up at 5:30 to feed them and change them again, and at 8 start the whole running around again. The women that I worked with there had been working in the family for years. They knew how things worked. I was expected to know everything from day one. Three days later, the mom told me she was not satisfied with me, and sent me back home. I know it sounds easy to play with the kids, but it's not easy to be their mom. The parents spend a total of 10 minutes a day with them. That is so sad! They love their nanny better than their parents! After only three days spent with them, I knew more about them than their parents - isn't that tragic? Bytheway, I got to take care of both kids. And the sad thing is, that the women hired there are too busy with all other chores to actually help the kids - they only dress them, feed them, and let them run in the park - no singing to them, no reading to them, no talking to them. No wonder they don't talk much, and the only words they say are "mami, tati, eric, lara,luca" (the family)! It breaks my heart. The thing that made me happy was that last evening, in the park, Eric started telling me stories. I have no idea what he was saying, he was explaining something to me. Then Lara started singing with me when I started singing while I was putting one her shoes. I had been singing that song to them since day 1, and day 4, she sang with me. All the other nannies told me it was a waste of time trying to talk to them, or sing with them. Kids are very receptive at this age, even if they don't know how to show it to us. They are still learning how to communicate, but that doesn't mean they don't care, or that they are dumb. I got to love those kids! I am sorry I won't be going with them, and my dream of going to the United States became my dream of helping these little kids in only 4 days. I won't get to help them, but I am glad I tried. I learned a lot in only 4 days, and I will cherish these days forever.
I am not giving up on my dream to be free, to be myself without any fear of being judged, or ostracized. and I will always pray for those kids to be loved, and helped to become whatever they will dream someday.