Days of Eni's life

Here I am two days after my meltdown. Two days after I let my grief surface, I let my anger come out, and cried for about two hours. Life is not all that bleak anymore, I am smiling and laughing. I am not over it, but I am starting to heal. Here are some things that have helped deal with my burden: 1, Do not bury the feelings - After I was molested, I tried to go on as nothing happened, I focused on my duties at home, at work. But I was angry, grumpy, taking it out on my husband for ridiculous reasons that usually do not bother me. Then almost two weeks later, just seeing a list of good things about me, written out of love, made me snap. I broke down. I let everything surface. I went to my lowest. I did not believe there was anything good left of me as I let all those negative feeling overcome me. I cried for two hours, and wrote all my feelings in a blog post. I was home alone (well, with the girls, but they were asleep) I needed a way to let it out. So I wrote... and I was expecti...

A few weeks ago I had some conflicting thoughts which I couldn't put clearly into words. But I believe every mother will be able to feel what I am trying to say here. I always had a love for work. Any work. It always gave me a sense of worth. I always put every effort in work because I felt I was contributing to something. Even though a lot of work was being a store assistant, I made sure I was one to be remembered. Working as an interpreter, I put heart into it, trying to help, not just translate. Work is good for the soul! I now have a deep love for my children. I get to spend every day with them. I give my all the best I can. I am truly blessed that I get to do this. I get to see their progress. Well, being stuck in the routine of raising them, I do not really notice their progress too fast, until someone points it out. Or I hear them play together nicely, or I hear Emma reading stories to Maya (Emma is 3, Maya almost 2) and both of them getting caught into the story world....

     Last time I wrote here, I was 5 weeks pregnant. I had high hopes that finally the little baby would end up in my arms after 9 months. I had my doubts as well, knowing my history, but hope beat fear. And here I am, 16 months later, with the most beautiful baby girl who loves and trusts me with her whole being. She amazes me every day, brightens every aspect of my life, and gives me great hopes for the future. I think every one of us needs a bit of 'baby therapy' to be reminded of the beauty of life, of its purpose, and the simple things that bring happiness - like a toy wrapper, the silky labels on things, the voice of somebody you love.      I love life, I love my little family, I love to love. I want to keep this feeling with me when things go wrong, when I am losing hope, and when life is not as neat as I would like it. In the end, love is what pulls me through. The purpose of life is happiness, and the only way to obtain it is to love. I need to ...

     My husband and I have been married for 18 months now. We are very happy together, we love and cherish each other, and our path is sunny, in spite of the rainy English weather. One of the things we both want greatly is to have children. I said 3, he said 5, in the end we might end up with 4 :)      This year was a rocky year. We went through the joy of being pregnant to the pain of losing the pregnancy twice already. The first one was at six weeks. I told myself that there was no heartbeat yet, so it wasn't meant to be. I wasn't depressed, I was a bit angry with the medical staff - it's a different story, about waiting 10 hours on a chair in a hallway while bleeding and aching - but I got over it quickly. I went straight back to work, and spent time serving in my Church calling. I think it was a bit harder for Peter, but we took comfort that we could try again. And we tried again! We got to eight weeks, then the pains and bleeding started. After a ful...

It's amazing how quickly time flies. In three weeks, Peter and I will be celebrating 1 year of being married to each other. I am very bad when it comes to presents, so I am clueless... well, almost :) Last night we had a nice conversation, and one thing he asked me was to make our home more Christ centred. I have given this some thought... how can you make a home more Christ centred? I think that the first thing is to make our hearts Christ centred, individually. Maybe start from there: personal prayers and scripture study coupled with "companionship" study and prayers. We have been doing things on our own, but not too much together. Maybe that is the first step. Then, maybe put more reminders in our home. Pictures of temples, pictures of temples... Maybe even more pictures of us. We don't have anything on these walls, they are blank. It doesn't feel like a home, it's just a house... we can change it. Starting with us :) I will get some nice music on ...

I know the title sounds very...confusing, but I do have a funny short story that will go with it, so bear with me :) Last week I participated in the YSA Conference in Hungary. There, I met a nice man (this is a different story...) with whom I loved to sped my time. During one of the lessons we attended together, he scratched off a bit of my nail polish off my fingernail. I pretended to be upset, so he made up for it by drawing a flower to cover the hole.It looked very good! So i put on my best smile, and asked for him to draw flowers on the rest of my fingernails. I have to admit that I respect him deeply for accepting this challenge considering that he is a man after all! So hands down, he is the best! Anyway, he drew flowers, and I was so happy! But guess what? My hands got a bit sweaty and the flowers wore off and the ink got all over my hands! I pouted a bit, and asked Peter (that's this gentleman's name) to draw them again. He looked at me and said something that got m...

I finally feel rested. EFY was amazing! But I have to admit that I am not 18 anymore... it got to me! So I needed some time to readjust to my walk-work-walk schedule ;) I don't want people to think that I am made of stone or a robot - which ideas shouldn't be excluded ;) EFY meant a lot to me. It was a new experience, challenging and uplifting. First, I have to say that I had the best girls in my group. I was humbled by the love they showed me even from the first moment they got there. now you have to understand that I was horrified by the fact that my Hungarian is good except for the gospel, where I am still learning. But my girls didn't care how much a stuttered, they understood me. From this I learnt first that one can be blessed with charity towards others instantly. I never forgot I could come to love people in a very short time. I loved the girls (Panka, Fanni, Henni, Petra, Berta, Laura and Zsofi) from the start. I felt in a way like I was back on my mission, wh...

I think I posted this before, but I can't find it anywhere! Maybe it was just a group email? Anyway, I am writing this again after having a small argument over a joke I posted on Facebook.  My post today is about one of my personal studies on my mission, it was during my first transfer, it started lightly, but then it took up my whole study time that morning. I kept adding to it whenever I found something interesting in the scriptures :) And yes, I made my companion laugh at this, but you will see that it is pretty serious. And yest, I laugh at myself for studying this on my mission :D It started with verse 21 in 2 Nephi 1, where Lehi gives his last advice to his sons before he dies. He tells them among other things :"Be men". A question popped into my head: What does it mean to be a man? I will just quote some scriptures: Be strong (1 Kings 2:2) keep all the commandments (Deuteronomy 11:8) not faint when facing adversity (Proverbs 24:10) humble (Eth...

Today I was too tired at church. I was supposed to translate for the senior couple for all three hours, but after sacrament meeting, my brain was fried. We had Sunday school with Sora Mogos, and to be honest, it felt good to enjoy a lesson without having to translate (I asked Elder Wirthlin to do it). We had a lesson about Jesus Christ, and we all shared what we knew about Him, and tried to learn from each other. At one point, we started talking about the atonement. As we were talking, I started understanding something about Jesus Christ that I knew before, but didn't really comprehend it, it only sunk in today. It started while talking about the greatest commandment in the scriptures: to love God with all our heart, and our fellow men as ourselves. I thought about him leading the people of Israel in the old days (the old testament times).I thought about his life, the miracles he performed. I thought of his sacrifice. I thought of him leading the church today. Why has he done ...

The title sounds a bit selfish, very self-centered, right? Yes, this post is about me (just like the previous n+1 posts). But this post is about something I tried to do, but now I realize is very foolish of me to do. The other day I created a new blog -  my new blog . It was a great idea at first. I got very excited about it, it made me feel good about myself. Today, walking home, I realized it shouldn't. And you know why? The intention behind that blog was to share all the spiritual things I learn, what I feel about the gospel, and make this blog more light hearted. I also thought that I about creating a diffrent one where I can post my pictures, make it a photography blog. There you go,3 blogs: ME, MYSELF, and I. Why do I think it's a bad idea? I will tell you anyway - because it would mean presenting me to the world as 3 different people. Some would see one side of me, while others another one. I am not 3 people in one! I am Eni, the ONE and only! Yes, I do have man...

I am proud to be a Romanian! I am proud of my heritage, of the teachings I received from my parents in this beautiful country. I am grateful I got to serve a full-time mission in my country, to meet so many Romanians, to get to love them and serve them. I am grateful I got to see so many beautiful places in this country that I probably couldn't have seen otherwise. I know we, as a nation, are not perfect, and we have many things in our history, in our present also, that we cannot brag with, but I am excited to strive to improve so that anyone who meets me can say 'I like Romanians'. This is my country, and I love it. LA MULTI ANI, ROMANIA!!!

I woke up with a cold, in no mood of getting out of bed. I got a text this morning from Paul, and it made me smile. I tried to fight the cold, and got some laundry done, and came up with a cool lesson plan for my next English lesson. I felt good, but miserable at the same time. Being sick is no fun! Then, my phone rings!  I looked at the number, and I had no idea who that could be. I thought it was from some company to ask me to go in for an interview. No, that was not it! It was even better! It was a phonecall from the Negrici family in Pitesti! I love those people, and I have been trying to figure out a way to visit people in the places i served my mission in: Mihai Bravu (Bucuresti), Constanta, Ploiesti and Pitesti. Since I got home over a year ago, I only got to visit Ploiesti once, and Bucuresti twice. The Negrici's had some good news for me: they have a new member in their family, a beautiful baby girl! I was so happy, I AM so happy for them! They were an example ...