Leaving is scary when you have no idea what to expect

I am sitting at a table at KFC, in the train station in Bucuresti. It's still early. I see myself from the outside. What am I doing here? Acting tough? Hey, a new adventure!
I have to admit, that it feels great not to worry about OMV anymore. Now that I don't work there anymore, I can say that it was a nightmare! The only good thing that came out of it is that I have two good friends that I can rely on (at least for advice and encouragement). I'll miss them, but I will not miss working there! Ok, no more complaining, it was a job that stretched me to my limits, broke me, and made me stronger. I learned a lot, and I became a fighter. I have to say "Thank you, OMV" fot that :D
Jumping back and forth with all these ideas swirling in my head. At least I get to go to Church before I meet with the family that will become my family for the next 6 months. have I mentioned that it's a bit scary to think about it? I only talked to them twice over the phone (5 minutes total), and I have no idea what to expect1 What if they won't like me? What if I am too crazy for their taste? What if they realize I am a Mormon , and freak out? What if i cannot handle a two year old (not even two, 1 year and 8 months old)... I don't know how to change a diaper :))  do know how to act like a two year old, so that helps :D
Hey, I am going to Miami, so why am I so worried? I won't have to worry about the cold winter anymore... be tan in January...can you imagine that (because I can't).
I think I am worried because i am leaving behind everything and everyone I know, and head out to a place I have never been to before, with people that I haven't met yet. I got to spend 4 days at home, and do a lot of things with my family: go to the lake with Dad and look for mushrooms in the woods, go fishing down to the river, ride the bikes with my mom, walk the dog, and enjoy awesome movies with them. I also met with people from work, went out with them for the first time in a year! It's sad to think that we could have done that more often, but they chose not to.
I am leaving the comfort of all these places and mostly, of all these people. I am on a new adventure. why am I even doing it? I think i am still looking for my place in this world. I keep moving and moving and moving... where do I belong? where is my place? since I visited Utah, i felt that I had to go back there, that I found a place where I could be myself, and feel at peace - with me, with my life, with God. But I couldn't find a way to go back there. When Miami came up, I said yes, who knows? Maybe this opportunity will lead me back to  that peace that I long for now. Enjoy the ride, right? Who ever gets to go to Miami? It's like a beautiful dream, I have to pinch myself to see if it's true... KFC says it's true :))
My heart is so torn in many pieces: each longing for things and people in different places... it's driving me insane! - like I could be more insane than now!
You know what? I am very excited to be back in Bucuresti for a while. even though I will be busy taking care of little children, I am sure I will have some time to visit people around here. I have many fond memories from back when I was a missionary. As my best friend told me - who would have thought that the road to Miami goes through Bucuresti? :D In an hour, i will be at the chapel, seeing the people that I love, those that I served with all my heart. thinking about them makes me want to jump from the table right now, get on the metrou and run to the chapel. Awesome idea :D That means I will end here. I need to go to the bathroom, and put some make up on, to hide the tired eyes from a crazy train ride (which would be another story... not too interesting... just being in a compartment with two gypsies who smoked and ate slanina in the middle of the night...other than that, no craziness)
stay tuned, I will write more soon, after I meet the people I will live with for the next year. Have an awesome day!

Comments

  1. you are amazing!! you will do great. just keep the positive attitude and the Lord will provide and protect. katie :)

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