Days of Eni's life

I love a phrase I read once in a short story, and it said something along the lines of : "there is no such thing as shop girls, just girls who happen to work in shops". Why do I like it so much? It applies very well to my life. I loved school, and did my best, tried to get involved in many things, even graduated valedictorian... I graduated from college almost a year ago. By now, I should be well off on the path of becoming a great programmer. But I am not even close to even becoming a programmer... Then why did I bother for 8 years to study programming, to be the best, to learn as much as I could? I think it was because of my dream. I did have a dream: become a great programmer that writes code for games that would help children learn and progress. I wanted to design games that are different from what I get to see kids playing today - like shooter games... I saw myself changing some people's lives. I had a dream of starting my own family, and working as a programmer wo...

It's almost the middle of March, and I have been so busy with other stuff, that I haven't gotten yet to write in here. Today is such a beautiful day! It's sunny, the snow is almost completely gone, and in the sun it's warmer than in my room. Welcome, Spring :D This past week gave me a lot of things to think about. It started with this guy from work, we have become very close friends, and one night he asked me if I liked him... we had a kind of awkward conversation that ended up well. One of the things he asked me after we cleared the air was if he could be a good candidate for a relationship with me, and what things kept him from being one. I did not expect that question, so I didn't know what to say. I got home from work, and for the next couple of days I thought about it. I have to say that his personality suits mine perfectly. We have great conversations, very good laughs,  we say the same things at the same time, we trust each other, and we are very attrac...

I am totally annoyed, and frustrated... and...ah... I work as a cashier at a gas station, which also has a buffet and a small store. I get to serve over a hundred people a day... I love doing that, I like to smile at people, be nice to them (even when they are angry and yell at me about the gas prices going up). I thought I had good people skills, that I was doing a pretty good job. To be honest, for the past month, I have been feeling like I wasn't too good at it because I could not remember their faces, or their preferences ( cigarettes, drinks, food...), I felt like I was becoming more of a robot... Last night, the girl I work with told me all the things people talk behind my back (people like my boss's wife, and the secretary who used to work at the buffet with me, the administrator, basically all other employees..). 1st problem: during the night shift, when sweeping and mopping, even with no customers around, I am not allowed to dance... 2nd - I talk too muc...

I don't know about you, but I had a hard time solving limits in Math class... I used to give up five minutes into it.. I loved derivatives and integrals though. Limits, for some reason, were annoying to me! Today, while walking to Church, I thought about limits. But this time, I thought of a different kind of limits: the limits in our lives. Believe me, they are just as annoying as the other limits! I have many things I dream of, things I want to learn, things I want to do, but I keep hitting limits: time, energy, money, people, and so on. These are limits that tend to 0 - 0 funds, 0 time, 0 energy, 0 people, 0 resources... I think you get the point... or maybe they tend to infinity - infinity amount of chores, infinity people to demand your attention, infinity problems to solve... How do you solve these limits? Many of them are unsolvable... we just need to accept that sometimes. I think back on all the times I got frustrated that I couldn't do something I always dreamed ...

I have been feeling a bit frustrated lately because I get to work with people with low standards, and low expectations from life. It's not their fault, I don't accuse them or point at them, but I have to say that it's hard to have meaningful conversations with that kind of people. Maybe that is why I miss going to school... Anyway, the other day, my two coworkers were talking about life, but all they could say about what they expect to do after work was having sex. I rolled my eyes, and found stuff to do. I thought of what I would like to do in my time off work, and I tried to join in the conversation with my ideas: 1. Go swimming twice a week 2. Save money to travel to places - not too far, just around here; we have so many gorgeous mountains, and monuments... taking the train is cheap 3. Go ice skating 4. Read more books Those were just some of my ideas, and I got very excited as I started talking about these things. They both looked at me like I were some kind of ...

I had another long night at work. I have been feeling so tired lately! It makes me feel horrible because I feel like I'm wasting time with all this sleeping during the day... Oh well, what can I do? Life goes on, right? But I can't complain. I am blessed with many things. Last night, I was talking to one of my coworkers, who was very frustrated that he doesn't earn as much as he would want. I told him I  was frustrated also that I couldn't do more, like go swimming, buy a nice camera, go on vacation, but I named some of the things I don't lack: I have food to eat, a warm house I live in, clothes to keep me warm, a nice notebook to keep me connected to the world, health to work hard and have fun. He was confused. I don't blame him since all he wants from life is to have a girl to sleep with every night... sigh... that's a different story, moving on. My two coworkers took a break for an hour, and I was left by myself to watch over the store. People came, and...

I don't know how to put this into words... it might sound a bit ridiculous... here I go! I got home from my mission almost two years ago. I went from being actively involved in teaching the gospel, amazing scripture studies, powerful spiritual experiences, to being a shadow in my branch, not getting that deep into my studies, rarely feeling the power of the Holy Ghost. It was my fault, not trying harder when I started work and school again. I kept going though, with ups and downs, but I was getting so tired, so worn out. I kept praying for strength, for friends to talk to about the gospel. I felt alone. I don't know what I expected God to do to help me. I looked for ways to change the situation: I went to Utah to be with those friends I served my mission with. While there, I made regular temple trips which helped me see the big picture. It was a great period in my life, when I learned more about finding balance in my busy life. But that trip ended after 10 weeks, when I retu...