Days of Eni's life

I don't know how to put this into words... it might sound a bit ridiculous... here I go! I got home from my mission almost two years ago. I went from being actively involved in teaching the gospel, amazing scripture studies, powerful spiritual experiences, to being a shadow in my branch, not getting that deep into my studies, rarely feeling the power of the Holy Ghost. It was my fault, not trying harder when I started work and school again. I kept going though, with ups and downs, but I was getting so tired, so worn out. I kept praying for strength, for friends to talk to about the gospel. I felt alone. I don't know what I expected God to do to help me. I looked for ways to change the situation: I went to Utah to be with those friends I served my mission with. While there, I made regular temple trips which helped me see the big picture. It was a great period in my life, when I learned more about finding balance in my busy life. But that trip ended after 10 weeks, when I retu...

Here I am, trying to figure out something... ok, it's 1:40 am, so I talk about a lot of stuff, "deep" stuff, "important" stuff... so bear with me. You can tell I'm bored ... hihi I just realized something. I like to be friends with guys. They are a lot of fun, no drama, and I get to flirt. No problem there! There is just one tiny problem about hanging out with guys: I usually fall for somebody. Yes, I fall!! Not get a crush, or be in love...FALL! why do I say fall? It goes like this: Step 1: meet the guy Step 2: get to spend time with guy Step 3: get to know the guy Step 4: start liking the guy Step 5: start crushing on the guy Step 6: get to know him better =>  list of his qualities => I feel way inadequate for him => start making a fool of myself => fall hard as I push him away  It has happened to me time and time again... and it's not fun! and I still haven't learned my lesson... so I keep trying to improve myself... learn a...

For some unknown reason, I have been very stressed and edgy this past couple of days. I am pretty good at being nice, and helping people out, but I've been feeling very impatient and fed up with stupidity and ignorance. I feel bad saying it, but I've been bitchy to a lot of people. I came to work  with my usual smile stuck on my face. On the inside, I was praying for time to go by faster. But my prayer was futile... time would not move faster! Come on! Seriously??? No customers?... boring!!! A customer came, filled his tank, then asked me to make him a vinieta (road tax). He had this funny accent, and I thought he was Italian, but he did not look Italian, and did not act like an Italian. while typing his car info into the computer, his friend came in, and started talking in English - British English! I immediately switched to English, and helped them pick some injector cleaning solution, some gasoline booster, and other stuff. I talked to them in English, and it felt ...

I have a second job - intermediary between companies that sell grains in Hungary and companies that buy them in Romania. It is very hard because I do not know business words in Hungarian, I don't know how to find the companies there and contact them... yes, I did accept a job that requires a lot on my part. My reaction to my first day on my own? FREAKED OUT!!! I wanted to quit - after seeing some of the sites and not understanding what they were posting there, i was ready to tell the boss to find someone else. I called him determined to put the end to it. What happened in that conversation? With his enthusiasm and confidence, he convinced me that i could do this, that I can learn all that is necessary, and that I would prosper in this. What am I doing now? Trying to learn the language, but it's not easy doing it on my own. This weekend, while surfing the web, feeling more and more desperate, I had a thought come into my mind: I have someone I trust to let him see my weakness...

It's 2:20 am, and here I am at work... taking a break actually. I am too annoyed to stand out there, so I am venting a bit (way better than smoking). It takes a lot to get me to feel like this - annoyed, angry, like I could say something I wish I could take back... maybe that's why I am venting here, so I wouldn't end up doing something I might regret later. What I am trying to say here is... I AM NOT THE ENTERTAINER! My job description: cash in gas and other products people buy... be nice to people... make them feel welcome. IT DOES NOT SAY "ENTERTAIN PEOPLE"... at least not drunk ones! I love talking to people, smile at them, and be nice to all the customers. I want them to leave with a good impression, and next time come knowing that they are welcomed with a smile. I like to tell customers little jokes, make them forget for a second their troubles, and see them smile, even hear them laugh. I'm pretty good at it. Half an hour ago, two drunk guys came ...

... not only the body... Here I am, at work, trying to have fun. And it is fun, I get to talk to people...it's easy to talk to people when I am standing on the other side of the counter :)) anyway, I try to be nice to customers, and explain to them that they are not allowed to smoke inside (there are 10,00 signs saying that, but they still ask). We have lost a lot of customers because of that, which I think it's stupid. If they feel good here, then why stop? There are those customers who feel so good here that they keep coming back. What about their smoking? Here is the part I don't get: they sit at the table, it's warm in here (21 degrees C), they drink their coffee or juice, eat, enjoying the music. All of a sudden, they are gone! Where did they go? I see them standing outside, in the freezing cold (-7 to -10 degrees C) smoking! They come in with purple fingers and lips, complaining about the cold. Why would they put themselves through that torture? Second thin...

I just got home from Institute. I love those lessons, they always make me want to become a better person. Sora Howells taught a very good lesson on The Plan Of Salvation. It gave me a lot of things to ponder upon. I was happy to have Andra there also because she always asks the right questions. But I was sad to see so many empty chairs. To be honest, it wears you out a bit when you are the only one going to Institute, which leads me to my impression on the New Years party. It was great walking in their meetinghouse, and seeing their YSA Center panel filled with posters and announcements. It was even better seeing how many young adults get involved. It was a great feeling of belonging - belonging to something bigger than just the group in my branch, but to the worldwide YSA group. They have the same trials as we do. They have to make Institute a priority just like we do. and they have fun just like we do. They learn and grow in their faith just like we do over here. Yes, we are sm...

going to Hungary was tons of fun. I had a blast with all the youth, dancing, talking, walking around town. There was one thing that bothered me though:  The Hungarian they speak there is not the one we speak here. In consequence:     1. I did not understand the announcer when he said what line my train was on. I kept running from line to line, asking people if that was the train to Szeged     2. A sentence sounds like one word, making it very hard for me to understand the things that were being said.    3. For the Fireside, I had one of the Elders translate for me the things I wouldn't understand, but in the end, I realized he understood even less than I did    4. I would use words we use over here, and they would be so confused (I guess we invented some words here, rewritten Hungarian :)) )    5. I speak and think slow in Hungarian, so by the time I try to say something, everyone has moved on with th...

LA MULTI ANI! Happy New Year! Boldog Uj Ev! This is my first post this year, I'd better make it good! I had the best New Year's Party. I am so glad I chose t do something a bit crazy this time - go to Szeged (Hungary).  Why do I say "crazy"? 1. I went by myself 2. I thought I spoke Hungarian fairly well, but I wasn't ready for how fast they speak there, for how they tie their words together, and it feels like one sentence is one word 3. I get out of my comfort zone VERY seldom I needed something crazy in my life, I needed to get away from the stress of work. I got at the point where I was too stressed, and I was feeling a bit down, not knowing what I was doing with my life. So I said "Yes" to the invitation of celebrating New Years in Szeged with many other YSA from Hungary. I am dead tired now. Do I regret anything? No! Did I like it? No- I LOVED it. One reason why I loved it is because I am getting a bit worn out of standing tall and strong...