Falling ...

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Here I am, trying to figure out something... ok, it's 1:40 am, so I talk about a lot of stuff, "deep" stuff, "important" stuff... so bear with me. You can tell I'm bored ... hihi

I just realized something. I like to be friends with guys. They are a lot of fun, no drama, and I get to flirt. No problem there! There is just one tiny problem about hanging out with guys: I usually fall for somebody. Yes, I fall!! Not get a crush, or be in love...FALL! why do I say fall?
It goes like this:
Step 1: meet the guy
Step 2: get to spend time with guy
Step 3: get to know the guy
Step 4: start liking the guy
Step 5: start crushing on the guy
Step 6: get to know him better =>  list of his qualities => I feel way inadequate for him => start making a fool of myself => fall hard as I push him away

 It has happened to me time and time again... and it's not fun! and I still haven't learned my lesson... so I keep trying to improve myself... learn another language (like 4 or 5 are not enough), learn computers better, learn to dance better, cook better, speak better, sing better.... and yet, I still fall again and again...

I hate the falling! and every time I tell myself "Not good enough for him"... when do I get to the good enough point? I think it will happen when I stop caring, just enjoying the ride. Then i will start to fly... then falling will not be an option... because he will catch me before I do :))

Ok, time to stop ... ridiculous talk! Ok, the conclusion: falling time after time is worth the pain because one day someone will be there to catch me, to laugh at my foolish "I'm not good enough"... and everything will be just a memory... distant memory... to be forgotten.


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