Days of Eni's life

Here I am two days after my meltdown. Two days after I let my grief surface, I let my anger come out, and cried for about two hours. Life is not all that bleak anymore, I am smiling and laughing. I am not over it, but I am starting to heal. Here are some things that have helped deal with my burden: 1, Do not bury the feelings - After I was molested, I tried to go on as nothing happened, I focused on my duties at home, at work. But I was angry, grumpy, taking it out on my husband for ridiculous reasons that usually do not bother me. Then almost two weeks later, just seeing a list of good things about me, written out of love, made me snap. I broke down. I let everything surface. I went to my lowest. I did not believe there was anything good left of me as I let all those negative feeling overcome me. I cried for two hours, and wrote all my feelings in a blog post. I was home alone (well, with the girls, but they were asleep) I needed a way to let it out. So I wrote... and I was expecti...

This is what went into the bin today - a list of positive things about me that were written by my friends at a Church activity last night:  - A good listener  - Brilliant teacher  - Wonderful friend and mother  - Always chatty  - Funny (twice)  - Good friend  - Great friend and mother  - Looking forward to getting to know you How dare they? How dare they say those things? They do not see me in my weakest times! They do not know the raw me! Those things are fake - a mask I can easily wear. I am weak! I am naive! I am stupid! I am clueless! I am not a warrior! I am not ... And I am...low, and scared ... scared of....I don't know what? Maybe two weeks ago I would have framed that list and use it as a motivator. But not now... somebody put me down... the next lines are raw, and you can judge me however you want, but I need this in order to try to salvage something... I cannot put it into words... the hurt, the doubt... the desire to be t...

 This is one of my favourite English Christmas songs. It makes me want to send a little prayer to Jesus and to commit again and again to follow Him   This year though this song has made me reflect on the humble beginnings of this baby boy, and the beginning of Mary's journey to motherhood.  Mary knew baby Jesus was God's Son. And she brought Him into this world as mortals do. Being a mother of two, it makes me wonder what was going through Mary's head right before giving birth, what were her worries? Did she wonder about where the baby would sleep? Did she wonder if the blanket she had would be warm enough for her baby boy? Was she worried about nappies? Or when the pains started, did she wonder if she would make it through? Was she worried that Joseph wouldn't know what to do, or how to help her? Did she wish her mother would be there? With our first baby, were blessed to have moved into a new house where we prepared a room for our little Emma. We had a hos...

We are all living in this life filled with ups and downs. It's just funny how when things go smoothly for a while, and you think everything is just right, something happens that makes you stop in your tracks and regroup and replan and  and… and wonder! And you know what? It happens to each of us in different ways. I won't give examples because I know that as you are reading this, you remember at least one of these instances. But here are some suggestions on how to deal with surprises: 1. Laugh at it for a minute  Just laugh at how silly it is. Make a few jokes about it, keep it a bit light for a minute. It will keep you from getting too angry, or worked up, so you can think clearly for a second. 2. It is your life to live, you are the only one responsible for the path you choose now I had people giving me advice what to do next, I listened, and I appreciate their help. Some ideas inspired me. But I realised it was not their choice how I would react. It was not their...

A few weeks ago I had some conflicting thoughts which I couldn't put clearly into words. But I believe every mother will be able to feel what I am trying to say here. I always had a love for work. Any work. It always gave me a sense of worth. I always put every effort in work because I felt I was contributing to something. Even though a lot of work was being a store assistant, I made sure I was one to be remembered. Working as an interpreter, I put heart into it, trying to help, not just translate. Work is good for the soul! I now have a deep love for my children. I get to spend every day with them. I give my all the best I can. I am truly blessed that I get to do this. I get to see their progress. Well, being stuck in the routine of raising them, I do not really notice their progress too fast, until someone points it out. Or I hear them play together nicely, or I hear Emma reading stories to Maya (Emma is 3, Maya almost 2) and both of them getting caught into the story world....

I haven't written anything in more than two years! Wow! Life flies by, and you can easily miss seeing the blessings if you don't stop to breath for a second. Yes, I am still working at Lidl. It's only one day a week, a 10 hour shift. And why is that? Because now I am a mother of two beautiful, smart, loving little girls. Even though it is the most exhausting thing being with them all the time, it is the most rewarding work. I am so proud of who they are becoming! I do not realise how rewarding it is until someone makes a comment like 'Emma sang with us!' or 'Your girls are so well behaved!' or 'Emma can speak three languages?' Yes, I am a proud mum, but I get swept away by all the playing and reading and singing and hugging that I do not step back to see the results. I just flow with it. So here is a BIG THANK YOU to all those who take a moment to point out to me something related to my girls. As it seems, I get easily side tracked by talking ab...

I am back at work...I know, 9 months went by too fast...but yeah, I 'm back at work at Lidl. To be honest, I expected to just pick up from where I left. It actually felt natural to be back, like I had never left... except for a few things: 1) I had slowed down and my routine got rusty after such a long break... and 2) The team has changed:lost a few teammates and got a few new ones. You can imagine my frustration at being so slow at first that it would take me 4 hours to do the work I used to do in 2 hours or even less! My brain kept telling me I could do better, but my body was not catching up! So I did the one thing I could (and I am ashamed to admit it, but I have to so I can make my point)... No, not focusing on improving myself! That would be the right answer! I actually looked for excuses. And I found the worst ones! No, not that I was tired, or that I was off for too long, or that a baby/toddler at home is draining! That would be a bit more acceptable. My excuses were ...

     Last time I wrote here, I was 5 weeks pregnant. I had high hopes that finally the little baby would end up in my arms after 9 months. I had my doubts as well, knowing my history, but hope beat fear. And here I am, 16 months later, with the most beautiful baby girl who loves and trusts me with her whole being. She amazes me every day, brightens every aspect of my life, and gives me great hopes for the future. I think every one of us needs a bit of 'baby therapy' to be reminded of the beauty of life, of its purpose, and the simple things that bring happiness - like a toy wrapper, the silky labels on things, the voice of somebody you love.      I love life, I love my little family, I love to love. I want to keep this feeling with me when things go wrong, when I am losing hope, and when life is not as neat as I would like it. In the end, love is what pulls me through. The purpose of life is happiness, and the only way to obtain it is to love. I need to ...

   The end of 2014 was beautiful! We got to spend our days with family - both of our families, even though they were in different countries. It was wonderful! 2014 was a tough year for me, but overall, it was a beautiful year. The end made it memorable.    The end of 2014 is my beginning for a beautiful 2015. It is my determination to stay happy, no matter what comes my way. I believe with love, faith, and hope, I can stay happy even if hurt, disappointment, change come my way.    I have some pictures to remind me of love and joy, all from the end of 2014, the beginning of more hope and motivation to stay happy.

One of the assignments for my English class was to write my autobiography. So here it is... a bit about myself ... this one is supposed to include my travelling experiences :)    I am a 29 year old customer assistant at Lidl in Preston, England. I am a wife, a passionate photographer, and en eager learner.    I was born in a loving family, to a Romanian mother and a Hungarian father. My childhood was filled with many adventures, just as many other kids'. Growing up, I learnt both Romanian and Hungarian. That makes me a bit different, and that is in a good way.    I was always called a 'nerd' because I loved school. I enjoyed learning, discovering, and studying. It didn't make me popular, but it prepared me for a life filled with many opportunities.    I studied Computer science for 8 years, and the funny thing about it is that only at the very end of my studies I realised that I didn't want to follow a career path in that field! My dream had...

   A while ago, my manager asked me if I could help him organize an activity for his scouts group, who are supposed to learn about a different faith. Since the Preston temple stands out around here, he thought it would be great to learn about it. Last night was the night!    While preparing for it, almost everything went wrong: those who promised to help me dropped last minute (luckily last minute meant the night before), then I couldn't find the material that I wanted to use, and 4 hours before the activity I had no clue what it would be like. My manager told me that he wouldn't be there, but that other Scouts leaders would bring the kids. I was asked to prepare a 45 minute activity for 10 children, 8 year old boys and girls. Finally I found somebody to help, one of the YSA girls in our ward.    Things started working last minute: my printer worked, I found coloured paper, my friend was very smart and kind, and the stake centre was ready for us!  ...

I have been enjoying my college English course. It has been very varied, and one of the things we will be assessed on will be our discussion skills. Last week we practised a discussion on the Women and Men Equality topic. We talked about the role of mothers, of wives, of fathers and of husbands. During our discussion, I said two things that got got our teacher shocked, she could not understand what I was talking about - and I am not referring to the language barrier. The first thing was about differences in men and women. We talked about things we can do as women, and the teacher questioned if there are things men do that we can't do. My response was: "I believe that women are capable of doing whatever they set their minds to, even hard physical work. But in spite of that, I am very grateful that I can turn to for help when it comes to heavy lifting". The teacher was shocked! She asked if I didn't think I could get to do the same work as men. I said I could but to...

      When I first arrived in Preston, I felt I landed in a different world. I thought it would be just like my home town, since all I knew about it was that it had the same population. But I was wrong!       The busy, crowded streets of Arad (my home town) were replaced by wide streets with drivers who are very cautious and considerate (anyone who visited Arad knows how different it can be). I chose to start with this since I came to Preston by car.       The long rows of of red brick houses gave me a real British feeling. I used to see these in the movies, so going out of the house is always a wonder (the feeling gets less intense with time, but it is still a wonder). You can still see the old chimneys reaching towards the sky, and I keep expecting to see storks in their nests, even though there are no storks around Preston.       Preston is dotted with many beautiful, green parks. You must go for a walk by the river in...

     My husband and I have been married for 18 months now. We are very happy together, we love and cherish each other, and our path is sunny, in spite of the rainy English weather. One of the things we both want greatly is to have children. I said 3, he said 5, in the end we might end up with 4 :)      This year was a rocky year. We went through the joy of being pregnant to the pain of losing the pregnancy twice already. The first one was at six weeks. I told myself that there was no heartbeat yet, so it wasn't meant to be. I wasn't depressed, I was a bit angry with the medical staff - it's a different story, about waiting 10 hours on a chair in a hallway while bleeding and aching - but I got over it quickly. I went straight back to work, and spent time serving in my Church calling. I think it was a bit harder for Peter, but we took comfort that we could try again. And we tried again! We got to eight weeks, then the pains and bleeding started. After a ful...

We had a day of full sunshine and joy. It was warm and beautiful :D Peter and I spent the afternoon walking in the park, enjoying the sun, and taking pictures. Here are some beautiful ones :)

You know how life has ups and downs, right? Have you ever felt you are in a storm and the wind keeps freezing you as you try to move forward? Well,  I had had that feeling for a while, and it wore my spirit off. During all that, I made the mistake of not turning to the Lord, and try to do it all on my own. What did that lead to?I lost something inside my heart, there was something missing. I decided to get it back. I really missed that feeling of peace, of communion with God. So I started reading a bit from the scriptures, pray a bit more, but I did not feel the difference.... until Sunday morning. I woke up, aching and tired, and I started the day by saying a very heartfelt and sincere prayer, asking for help to feel the Holy Ghost again with me, to feel that peace again. I felt that it wasn't enough to pray, so I read the lesson for Relief Society for that day. It was a lesson from the Prophet Joseph Fielding Smith, a lesson about the Prophet Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum...

Last week, I got a bit homesick. I kept on remembering these amazing desserts with jam and walnuts in them, like little croissants, but not the soft ones. I don't know what they would be called in English. In Romanian, we call them 'cornulete cu gem si nuca'. I thought to myself: why not make them? I got on the internet, onto Google (Google has the answer to anything, right?) and I found a recipe. Well, it was all very precise, in grams... but since I don't have kitchen scales, I had to resort to my good old eyes, which are not as good as they used to be ;) After using 6 different bowls, 8 spoons, 2 wooden spoons, 3 forks ( I think you have a pretty good picture of how much I knew what I was doing) AND getting 3 working spaces all dirty, I finally got the dough and the filling ready. And then came the tricky part. I know, you think all this was tricky :), but believe me, this was the easy part. Now, in the recipe it says I need to roll the dough out on a floured surf...

It's amazing how quickly time flies. In three weeks, Peter and I will be celebrating 1 year of being married to each other. I am very bad when it comes to presents, so I am clueless... well, almost :) Last night we had a nice conversation, and one thing he asked me was to make our home more Christ centred. I have given this some thought... how can you make a home more Christ centred? I think that the first thing is to make our hearts Christ centred, individually. Maybe start from there: personal prayers and scripture study coupled with "companionship" study and prayers. We have been doing things on our own, but not too much together. Maybe that is the first step. Then, maybe put more reminders in our home. Pictures of temples, pictures of temples... Maybe even more pictures of us. We don't have anything on these walls, they are blank. It doesn't feel like a home, it's just a house... we can change it. Starting with us :) I will get some nice music on ...

I think I have been asked ten thousand times these past few months : "so how is married life?" How do you answer this question? I just nod and say "Great!". And that is one of the words that come to my mind when I think of being married. Why is it so great?  Let's see: first, my husband is Superman, but don't tell anyone. He can do a thousand things at a time, but still take care of me and make me feel like the most important and precious woman in the world. He has seen me sick, seen me happy, messy hair in the morning, make-up running down my face, and many other little things which are imperfect, but are part of me. He has seen most of it, and he loves me for every little part of me. He has seen my weaknesses, and he has done so much to help me overcome them, one by one. I still have a long way to go, but he is next to me every step. We have been married almost six months, and we have had no arguments, no reproaching, no putting the other down. We ...

I looked at the date that I last wrote in here. It does not look good! Grrr... lazy bum, on the couch... No more excuses! I have been telling myself may silly things to get away with it, but in the end, it turns to LAZINESS. What has happened lately? 1. I got a job as a store assistant - it is great because I love working with people. I have met many Hungarians, and some Romanians. Every shift gives me a reason to smile: babies who smile, people who are nice, accomplishing a task flawlessly. 2. Two weeks after starting my new job, I got married to the most amazing man. The wedding was far better than I ever imagined, and many people were there who made it all perfect. My family has extended, and there is room enough for everybody in my heart. 3. Spend time with my husband travelling: we travelled to Scotland, to Chorley, to the Church... and delivering pizzas for Pizza Hut (Peter's evening job :) ) 4. Made many friends in the Preston Ward, but also outside: co-workers, ne...